Last Goodbye
by JustAGirl'xo
Summary: Maddy/Linden three-parter After Maddy's funeral, Linden finds a letter that Maddy left behind... And it's for him...
1. Last Goodbye

**Well, I guess there's no hope of Maddy&&Linden anymore. Here's a oneshot set after Maddy's funeral. At some point, I might upload another chapter, a songfic.**

**I hope you like it almost as much as I loved writing it. It's probably the hardest fanfic that I've written so far.**

**Please R&R**

**Chloe XOX**

Last Goodbye

"Linden? I… I found this in Maddy's locker… It's for you…" Maria whispered, another tear slipping silently down her cheek. Ever since Maddy's tragic death, the hospital hadn't been the same. Everybody's spirits had been dampened; Nobody seemed to smile anymore. Not only had they lost a great doctor - They had also lost a friend.

"Thank you, Maria," Linden said, faking a smile. He, along with Maria, had been suffering the most with the loss. There were so many things that he had never had a chance to say to her. After Maria left to complete her locker-clearing task, Linden tore the letter open. As his eyes followed the writing on the paper, he was shocked to discover what Maddy _really _had to say…

_Dear Linden,_

_There's so much to tell you, but I guess I'll start with why I need to write this. Ric doesn't think I'm ready for the fellowship, and I know you don't either. But I can't stay at Holby in the same job. Some people will lose their respect for me, if they had any in the first place. If I'm not ready now, maybe I never will be…_

_So I'm leaving Holby for a while. I don't know if and when I'll be back. I'm going to London to see everything there is to see over there. You never know, I could come home in a couple of years. But just in case I don't, there are some things that I need to tell you whilst I had a chance…_

Linden's eyes were wide with surprise. Maddy was going to leave Holby. She was going to give up. And it was partly his fault.

_Thanks for everything. I don't know if I could have survived this past year without your support. It means a lot to me. You don't understand how delighted I am when you praise my work. It's the best feeling in the world._

Linden smiled at this comment. How he wished he had praised Maddy more. She definitely deserved it, she was a better doctor than she thought.

_I think I've worked out why it is that your opinion means so much more to me than Ric's or anyone else's. But it's too difficult to explain in a letter. I suppose, one day, I'll get the chance to tell the truth. How I really feel… However, if I never see you again, I guess it's better if I tell you now…_

Holding his breath, Linden silently prayed that Maddy's feelings had been the same as his own. The feelings that he had been trying to cover ever since they first met…

_See, the thing is… I think there's something there… We're more than just colleagues or friends. That's what makes it so hard. What hurts the most was being so close and having so much to say… And watching myself walk away… Gosh, that's so cheesy! I must be in an unoriginal mood!_

At least Maddy seemed like herself…

_Anyway, I'm sure I'm confusing you now. I'd better get going, after all, I don't want to miss my train, do I? I guess this is goodbye… There's just one more thing I need to say now._

_I love you_

_Maddy x_

She loved him. She'd finally admitted it. But now, she was gone, and there was no possibility of her coming back. Linden glanced out of the window and up at the sky, uttering the words that he'd wished to for so long.

"I love you, too…"


	2. What Hurts The Most

**Hey, everyone. Thank you so much for the amazing reviews, every single one of them. I'm going to write one final chapter to this fanfic after this one, but I'm not sure whether it will be a songfic or just an ordinary fanfic yet. I apologize in advance for the terrible quality of this writing, I think I began to ramble on about three words in. Sorry. My excuse is that I am watching 'The Bodyguard' :-)**

**Based on 'What Hurts The Most', by Mark Willis, Bellefire, Jo O'Meara, Rascal Flatts or Cascada, whichever you want it to be.**

**Hope you like it x**

**What Hurts The Most**

_I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house  
__That don't bother me  
__I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out_

Sitting down on one of the damp benches outside Holby, Linden sighed heavily as his mind wandered to the recently events that had affected him so badly. The rain was pelting down like bullets, and he was glad of that. His single, lonely tear would go unnoticed.

_I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while  
__Even though going on with you gone still upsets me_

He never cried. Ever. Well, not since Olivia had died, anyway. But the thought of going to work every day and not being greeted by Maddy's cheerful smile scared him. That had definitely been the best part of the mornings. Nobody could be upset when Maddy was around.

_There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay  
__But that's not what gets me_

Of course, Linden couldn't let anyone else know how devastated he was. God no. What would they say? But he hated himself for not showing his feelings. It could have changed everything…

_What hurts the most  
__Was being so close  
__And having so much to say  
__And watching you walk away_

He reread the letter, stroking Maddy's name with the tip of his thumb. He could have told her how he'd felt. Maybe then he would have been able to deal with this slightly better. At least he could have said that he had held Maddy in his arms…

_And never knowing  
__What could have been  
__And not seeing that loving you  
__Is what I was trying to do_

The reason that Linden hadn't really shown any feelings for Maddy was that he himself had never understood them. He hadn't felt that way for a long, long time. And now he would never know what could have been.

_It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go  
__But I'm doin' it  
__It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone_

"Linden? Are you alright?" Linden looked up in surprise to see Donna Jackson standing directly in front of him, a genuine look of concern plastered across her face. He forced a smile and nodded, unable to speak due to the risk of yet more tears. Puzzled, but not wanting to press the matter, Donna left the man whom nobody was used to seeing like this on his own.

_Still harder, getting up, getting dressed, living with this regret  
__But I know if I could do it over  
__I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart  
__That I left unspoken_

There had to be a way to kill the regret that was killing him. Pulling a small piece of paper and a biro from his pocket, Linden began to scribble down everything that he thought. He knew that although his pen seemed to be scratching at the paper faster than he thought possible, Maddy would never be able to hear his words. But she would know the truth. That he loved her.

_What hurts the most  
__Was being so close  
__And having so much to say  
__And watching you walk away  
__And never knowing  
__What could have been  
__And not seeing that loving you  
__Is what I was trying to do_

Linden smiled as he finished writing the last word in his untidy scrawl. Perfect.

_I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while  
__Even though going on with you gone still upsets me  
__There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay  
__But that's not what gets me_

He glanced at his watch and realized that it was later than he had thought. Much later. He would have to run if he wanted to make it back to the hospital before his shift began. Folding the paper in half, Linden jumped up from the bench, his hair dripping wet from the rain that was now nothing but a gentle drizzle. He needed to do this. The fact that he hadn't spoken these words was what hurt the most.

_What hurts the most  
__Was being so close  
__And having so much to say  
__And watching you walk away  
__And never knowing  
__What could have been  
__And not seeing that loving you  
__Is what I was trying to do_

_What hurts the most  
__Was being so close  
__And having so much to say  
__And watching you walk away  
__And never knowing  
__What could have been  
__And not seeing that loving you  
__Is what I was trying to do_

She had to know.


	3. Perfect Day

**This was such a difficult song to choose, as so many would fit. But this is her song. Maddy's song. This is the final chapter of 'Last Goodbye'. Thank you so much to everyone who has read and reviewed this story, it means the world to me.**

**The song that I have chosen to use in this chapter is 'Perfect Day' by Lou Reed.**

**This is it.**

**Chloe XOX**

_Just a perfect day  
__Drink Sangria in the park  
__And then later, when it gets dark, we go home_

Darkness invaded the empty park, swings creaking in the slight breeze. Linden rushed through the playground, interrupting the calm. He had next to no time. He needed to get there, to do this, for his own sake.

_Just a perfect day  
__Feed animals in the zoo  
__Then later, a movie too, and then home_

His life was turning into a movie. It was like it wasn't reality. Linden had not only lost a colleague, but a friend. Maddy was a stab victim, a dramatic end to what could have been an amazing life.

_Oh, it's such a perfect day  
I'm glad I spend it with you  
Oh, such a perfect day  
You just keep me hanging on  
You just keep me hanging on_

If only… If only Linden had been with her. If he had been more supportive… It made him shudder to think how different everything could have been. He wished that there had been more time…

_Just a perfect day  
Problems all left alone  
Weekenders on our own, it's such fun_

Linden had never been one to drink. Well, at least, he hadn't until he had begun at Holby. He clenched his fist tighter over the paper in his hand as he remembered that one night that he had been so drunk that he could barely see his hand in front of his face. That had been Maddy's fault. His 'one drink' had quickly turned into two, three, four… And Maddy had been laughing at the intoxicated Linden the entire time.

_Just a perfect day  
You made me forget myself  
I thought I was someone__ else, someone good_

With Maddy, Linden had been a different person. His cold, icy, no-nonsense exterior had melted to reveal the real man behind the smart clothes and flattened hair. He had been free…

_Oh, it's such a perfect day  
I'm glad I spent it with you  
Oh, such a perfect day  
You just keep me hanging on  
You just keep me hanging on_

Linden had reached his destination. He stared at the shiny plaque that had been placed there in the cemetery earlier that day.

_Madeleine Young (13.03.1980 - 26.05.2009)  
__You will be in our hearts forever  
__A great doctor, colleague, daughter, sister, auntie and friend  
__The memories will live on_

Leaving the folded piece of paper on the grass next to a large bunch of flowers, Linden walked out of the cemetery, not wanting Maddy to see his tears. He had done what he had needed to do. Now he could go back to his life. But nothing would ever be the same. Not without Maddy.

_You're going to reap just what you sow  
You're going to reap just what you sow  
You're going to reap just what you sow  
You're going to reap just what you sow_

Goodness knows how long the note would stay there. But Maddy would know now, as underneath the creases, only a few short sentences could be seen.

_Maddy  
__I love you too. More than you could ever know. I just wish I had had the chance to tell you.  
__Linden_

At least, although it was only a dream, Maddy had lived her own perfect day.


End file.
